Starring Sean Astin as Dave
Emile Hirsch as Jules
and Meredith Baxter-Birney as Jules' mother
Brace yourself, folks! This entry is LONNNNGGG! However it's well worth the read. I'm also sick of telling this story over and over again, so...here we go...
About a week before my ex moved out, my friend Ashley invited me to a cookout she was having in honor of her boyfriend returning home from touring with his band. Ashley and I were really tight about 11 years ago, but hadn't seen much of each other in the last 5 or so. In that time, she had made new friends and so had I, which meant that I really didn't know anyone at the cookout except for her.
I did the usual thing I do when I'm at a huge function and don't know a soul - I find a quiet corner and "people watch". After grabbing a plate and filling it with Veggie chips (the only thing remotely Vegan on the table o' junk) I spotted an empty chair, claimed it as mine and watched as a very rousing game of Volleyball (sarcasm) was about to end.
"Why do I not know you?" a disembodied voice asked. I turned to my left (my blind side) and there he was, sitting right next to me. I jumped a bit because I had not heard nor felt anyone sit down beside me.
"I'm Jules." he said and smiled, then proceeded to talk a mile a minute about how he new Ashley, where he was from, his college (Belmont) and all the other pleasantries that come with meeting new people. The boring stuff, basically.
He was gorgeous! Looked like a blonde version of Emile Hirsch (who, of course, plays him in the movie) young, lanky and very intellegent. I was amazed that this 23 year old was not only asking me questions, but he was actually LISTENING and asking more questions from my responses. Usually, when I meet a new person and they ask a question, I can see in their eyes that they're not really listening to my answer, rather thinking up what they're going to say next. Such was not the case with Jules.
We sat, just the two of us, talking til around 1am, when the party died. By that time we had made our way into Ashley's hot tub. I told him about my ex, my current predicament and that I wasn't interested in jumping into a new relationship, but was completely open to dating and making new friends. We exchanged numbers and called it a night. Actually, Ashley kind of kicked us out as it was late and we were the "guests who wouldn't leave".
I got a text from him the next day asking to meet for coffee that night, which we did, and once again we talked and talked until we were the last remaining people in the Cafe. I could also feel the dirty looks coming from the employees who really just wanted to go home. Sorry, Frothy! :(
When I settled in that evening, I discovered he'd already sent me a friend request on Facebook. I clicked "approve." APPROVE! First mistake right there. I let him into my "cyber world" filled with pictures, thoughts, videos, notes and most of all, my personal & professional information. I let him into my world based on hanging out with him twice. Of course, I wasn't thinking about this at the time. The only thing I was concerned with was seeing HIS photos and personal info. The difference, I would later come to find out, was that after I saw his info, I tossed it out of my head. What he did with mine throughout the next two weeks was a different story.
~ COMPLETELY OBVIOUS CLUE THIS DUDE IS CRAY-CRAY #1 ~
The next day, I awoke to discover that the boy had commented on almost every photo on my page, written his "opinion" on a lot of old status updates back from when I first joined Facebook, and had also posted a horrible shirtless picture of myself getting out of Ashley's hot tub. A picture he told me that he had erased when I complained about it that very night. I thought all these things were a tad creepy at first, but overlooked them as he seemed like a sweet guy...and I was just happy that someone was taking an interest in me again. After the break-up, it seemed like that wasn't going to happen. I never thought that anyone who was just as young and attractive as my ex was, would ever have any interest in me...yet here it was happening again...and who was I to argue with that, right?
As I was finishing up reading all the minutae he wrote on my page, I received a text (guess who?) inviting me over to his place for dinner that coming Wednesday. Long story short (too late), Wednesday - his house - Vegan lasagna - talk - multiple glasses of wine - more talk - and our first kiss as I was leaving to go home. Not a long kiss. Not a french kiss. Just a nice, respectable 3 second peck on the lips.
~COMPLETELY OBVIOUS CLUE THIS DUDE IS CRAY-CRAY #2 ~
I arrived home and spilled all the details of the night's events to my downstairs neighbor. I was genuinely excited and felt the way I did when my ex first asked me to be his boyfriend. I felt invigorated, needed and attractive. Then I went upstairs and checked my Facebook. Keep in mind, I had just left Jules' house 25 minutes earlier when I get the following message on my wall...
Jules - "Awww...I miss you."
Miss me? Doesn't one have to been gone from someone's presence for the minimum of at least 24 hours before they can be considered "missed"? Another warning bell sounded off in my head, yet I ignored that one as well because I just thought he was being cute. So I wrote...
"But I just left your house 30 minutes ago! Weirdo!"
Not 5 seconds passed before he responded with...
Jules - :P
I didn't hear from him the following weekend as it was the final days before my ex was to move out. I promised to spend time with him those last two days and try to tie up loose ends both emotionally & mentally...not that it really worked, but at least I tried. I recieved a few texts from Jules that weekend but not many.
The hours following my ex's departure on Sunday were both a relief and extremely sad at the same time. Unfortunately, it was more of the latter. I sat in the living room for about a half hour after he left, just marveling at how creepy and quiet the room had become. Thankfully, those feelings only lasted that one day, because on Monday morning I felt so good ~ very free! I felt like a brand new Dave! It's a horrible analogy to say it was like I was a prisoner released from jail (because I never felt that our relationship was a prison sentence ~ just the 5 months afterward when we were still living together) but that's exactly what it felt like. Shackles were gone! I had no one to answer to but myself and I could do whatever the hell I wanted to!
~ COMPLETELY OBVIOUS CLUE THIS DUDE IS CRAY-CRAY #3 ~
My ex and I had agreed to not contact each other for awhile, yet 2 days after he moved out, I got an email from him stating that Jules had sent him a Facebook message wanting my address. That freaked me out! I'd mentioned my ex's first name several times but never his last. Then it dawned on me - Facebook, pictures, tagged photos, put two and two together, voila! He figured out who my ex was! This time, I did NOT ignore the warning bell. That action was the ultimate in shady, replete with disrespect toward my newly ended relationship. Wanting my address just made it creepier. Asking for the address via my ex boyfriend made it a deal breaker!
I responded to my ex, "Thanks for the heads up. Please do not give him my address."
The next day, my ex emailed me back - "Oh shit. I'm sorry, Dave. I gave him your address cause he emailed me AGAIN and sounded legit."
I was livid. Not by the fact that my ex actually gave Jules my address, but by the fact that he didn't get my permission to do so. The anger faded throughout the day, and I began to wonder if Jules was going to leave me some sort of weird surprise on my doorstep or in my mailbox...but when I arrived home - nothing. I texted him that night but I never got a response.
~ THE DAY I DISCOVERED THAT THE BOY WAS BAT SHIT BONKERS!!! ~
It was a typical Thursday. I'd just gotten home from work. As soon as I entered the house, I knew something was wrong. My dog, Tuffy, who usually bolts toward the door to greet me with her tail in "hyper-wag", was curled in a ball over in a corner of my living room. I immediately knelt down to determine if she was okay. She was shaking. Then I heard a voice from my bedroom.
"Hey!" it said. I jumped...and for a split second I thought my ex had returned to procure some things he'd left behind...but no, it wasn't him.
I stood up and looked inside my bedroom. There he was. Mr. Jules ~ completely naked and spread eagle on my bed with an erection. You could have knocked me over with a feather!
"How did you get in here?"
He never answered the question. He just said, "Why don't you just come over here for a minute and let me take care of you."
Complete shock. This boy had broken into my house, scared the shit out of my dog, and obviously thought that we were going to have sex. I was scared shitless and the only thing I could think to do was grab my cellphone.
"You need to get out or I am calling the police."
That got his attention. "What?" he asked. "No. No...just come in here and let's talk for a second."
Now had Jules and I been dating for several months, had he been to my house before (and owned a key), and it was my birthday or Valentines or whatever, I probably would have considered this romantic and sexy...but no, I'd known this kid for 2 weeks...and had been on just 2 dates with him.
"Get the fuck out, Julian!" I couldn't look at him. I turned away and dialed 911.
"Dude, what are you doing? It's ME! It's ME!!" he screamed. I heard him get off the bed. I turned and saw him grab his clothes. He was in the process of putting them on while still muttering under his breath, "It's me."
"It's YOU? I don't know you!" I replied, "You just broke into my home and scared the hell out of me! That's the only thing I KNOW about you at this moment!"
The 911 operator answered and when I told him that I wanted to report a break in, Jules flipped out!
"Fuck you! Fuck this shit!" he slapped the phone out of my hand and shoved my head against the wall. Really hard! He then proceeded to knock over my DVD shelf and my flat screen television set, which broke in half, before running out the door.
I retrieved my phone and followed him outside. My neighbor (we'll call him Jeff because I'm a bad neighbor and can't remember his real name) was walking his dog at the time.
"Stop him!" I shouted at Jeff, who didn't know what the hell was happening so he didn't do anything. But he did get a good look at Jules, who quickly got in his car and sped away.
15 minutes later, an officer showed up. I went through the whole story and gave the officer Jules' address. Jeff made a statement as well. The officer left and I returned to my house to find that Tuffy, in her distress over everything that went down, had shit all over the kitchen carpet. Nice.
Two hours later, I got a call from Metro stating that they arrested Jules and need me to come and identify him. I grabbed Jeff, who kindly agreed to come along to i.d. Jules as well. We walked into Lieutenant so-and-so's office to find Jules with his mother sitting across the room...both crying. The lieutenant asked Jeff to identify Jules, which he did. Jeff was dismissed.
The lieutenant asked me to go through my story once more. As I was talking, I realized that I inadvertantly "outed" Jules to his mother. Awkward. The lieutenant asked Jules if everything I said was true. Jules just nodded and managed a quiet, "Yes."
It is at this point that I start to feel like the bad guy. I'm looking at a kid who has probably never been in a serious relationship in his life, much less a gay one, who is coming to terms with his sexuality and in his mind he's just thinking he's taking steps to secure one, albeit the WRONG steps! I felt really sorry for him. I'm sure that in his mind, he thought I would come home, be very happy to see his "sexy" surprise, we'd be intimate and things would be perfect.
The lieutenant turned to me and asked if I wanted to press charges...and I didn't know what to say...so I just turned to Jules and asked, "Will you promise that you will leave me alone? Will you promise to never contact me again? Will you promise to leave my family and friends alone and stay out of my life?"
He nodded. I turned to the lieutenant and said I didn't want to press charges. He thanked me for my statement and told me that I could leave. I reached for the door when suddenly I felt someone grab my arm. It was Jules' mother. She just looked at me and mouthed the words, "thank you". I didn't know what to say, so I just nodded and left. On the drive home, I broke down and cried.
There's something about Davey.
ReplyDelete