LEARNING TO BE A STRANGER...

My name is Dave Irwin. I'm a 35 year old gay man who lives in Nashville, Tennessee and works as a shipping & receiving manager at a clothing store. That is who I am on the surface level, but if one were to maintain their descent into the depths of who I genuinely am as an individual, they would find a lot more. For some, perhaps more than they bargained for...but for the majority, I perceive they would be greeted with a myriad of pleasant surprises and a hell of a lot of fun as I've always been the kind of person who enjoys taking everything just a step further and is always up for more. This sounds like the introduction to a personals ad, doesn't it?

A while back, my former thrapist suggested I start writing a blog. Basically as a sort of therapy to get over my current situation at the time, which was the end of a four year, commited relationship. It ended in January, therapy started the next month and lasted til May when she told me I really didn't need to be in analysis. Some days, I concur...but most days, I don't. Hence this blog.

In a nutshell, my ex and I started having problems within our partnership a few months before the actual break up. I won't go into any detail because it's private between the two of us and would probably end up boring the hell out of you anyway. On the night of January 18th, 2011, we had a squabble, things came to a head, we sat down, talked, wept and decided that if we were going to remain in each other's lives, we needed to break up. In our own different ways, I think we both conceded that we were always better friends (best friends, even) than we were as boyfriends ~ although, when things were good between us within the realtionship, they were VERY good.

A week after we split, I freaked out, realized the mistake and pleaded with him to get back together, but unfortunately it was too late. I kept thinking about the promises we made each other, the future we had planned, focused on all our good times but never the bad. In the thick of our years together, I deeply loved him and he loved me. He was the first partner I had where I NEVER once questioned his loyalty & trust. But after we did break up and his resolve in not getting back together was firm, that's all I DID question...for five months.

FIVE MONTHS! It was the longest break up EVER! Due to certain events, circumstances, obligations, etc, we still had to live together for five months after the initial break up. It was the most brutal five months of my life. I still loved him, still do at this very moment, and probably always will. I just hope that the love changes form in a more beneficial & idealistic way in the near future. We're best friends ~ and we need to get to that point where we can truly abide by what it means to be "best friends". You will never hear me say anything negative or hurtful about him as he is one of the kindest, funniest and most intellegent people I've ever had the pleasure of knowing.

He finally moved out a month ago. We have agreed to sever contact for awhile. No phone calls, Facebook, etc until we both feel like it's the right time to re-emerge in each others lives again, and with the exception of a few emails in regards to wrapping up loose ends ("Can I get my Super Nintendo back?") things are going as planned. It might take 6 months, 9 months or even a year but it will happen, and all will be as it should.

"Learn to be a stranger...blonde on blonde...in silence she says, 'Excalibur!' "

All of my "nearest & dearest" know that Stevie Nicks is this lil' gay boy's "be all and end all" in the world of music. She was and will always be the voice of Rock & Roll for me. The previous line was from a song off her WILD HEART album called "Sable On Blonde" and it's basically a song about learning how to live with yourself, and utilizing your own inner strength to deal with whatever bullshit is making you bonkers. The idea is not banking on others to take up any sort of slack or do it for you.

This is what I'm endeavoring to do at the moment ~ learning to be a stranger...learning to live with myself...getting to know "Dave Singular" instead of "Dave Plus One". For the last 11 years, I've always had either a roommate or a boyfriend. I've never really lived on my own. It's all very new...and a bit daunting. Just within these last four weeks since my ex moved out, I've had some pretty intriguing & unbelievable events happen to me. Incidents you would only see in a really bad "Lifetime Original Motion Picture". There have also been very good occurances, though...and thus begins the current exploits of "Dave Singular". I'm 35 years old and I have no idea what I'm doing with my life right now or where the hell I'm headed. It's ludicrous in that it horrifies the absolute shit out of me...but I've gotta say, I kind of like it!

"To be brave, save the stranger..."