I figured that another blog entry was long overdue...
Paralysis
Depression has been an ongoing obstacle for me. It started at 13 years old and continues to this day. From my last blog entry up until about a month ago, I was thoroughly consumed by it. If I wasn't working at Levy's, I was home laying in bed, sitting on the couch distracting myself with a movie, or in the kitchen cooking unhealthy food. All of my projects and personal goals fell by the wayside. I can pinpoint the main reason as loneliness. I still wasn't over my ex and that void grew bigger and enveloped everything else around me. The other reasons still remain an enigma.
It really wasn't until the end of October that I finally "woke up" and realized the past was dead and the only way to make myself happy was to focus on the present. If I was proactive about the "here and now" then that would translate into a prosperous future where I could be content. It was such an easy answer. I WAS my problem but I AM my solution as well.
Cherub Redux
In September, whilst buried within said melancholia, I reactivated my OKCupid account and dated a nice boy (we'll call him Spencer) for about a month. I'll try to make this concise as possible. Sushi for the "get to know you" first date, then the next three weekends spent at his place. Spencer was a nice guy ~ a tad high maintenance, but that was okay. I was up front with him about my lack of interest in jumping into another relationship. I told him I just wanted to date, have fun, enjoy the company of men and not limit myself to one person. He was completely amicable and said he felt the same. I thought, "Cool. If there isn't a romantic spark in the future, at least I've made a new friend."
The first two weekends at his place consisted of cooking and watching horror movies...BAD horror movies ("Insidious", "Rob Zombie's Halloween", etc) and I was perfectly fine with that. I enjoyed his company. The one thing about him that threw me off was that he ALWAYS wore make-up. Full on foundation, eyeliner and penciled in eyebrows. That was his thing. I didn't judge, but it was like kissing a younger version of John Lithgow if he were the M.C. from "Cabaret". And every time we kissed, he had to run to the bathroom to reapply. Speaking of which, his bathroom was a carnival of beauty products, complete with airbrush and caddies.
The third weekend found us in bed together for the first and last time. I had fun but after it was over, he started using the words, "I love you." YIKES! Then the text messages started coming every thirty minutes or so for the next few days. More "I love you's" and other sappy terms of endearment. He wanted me to start going over to his place every night after work. I felt trapped and it had to stop. I called him on a Wednesday evening and once again reiterated my stance on dating and relationships. I also told him I didn't feel a real romantic connection between the two of us but that I still wanted to hang out and be friends. This did not go over well. Long story short ~ we're not friends. There ya go. Moving onward...
Skin & Stars
I have decided to move my art show to March or April of 2012. Again, during the depression, I didn't get a damn thing done...so by Halloween, only two and a half paintings were complete. I'm proud to report that I have remedied this situation. I've picked up the brushes and furiously started back on this project. It's gonna keep me busy but luckily all my ideas are still intact, as well as the pictures of which some of you very generously posed. :)
Also of note is that I redecorated and repainted my apartment. It's amazing how adding a bit of color to one's environs can also contribute to smothering the gloom and doom. I can't wait for you all to see it! It's rare that I blatantly brag to others in regards to my accomplishments, but I'm extremely proud of what I've done to the place!
Hard Bodies
The McCabe Park Community Center opened their doors recently. They are located in Sylvan Park where Murphy Road meets 46th Avenue, literally two blocks from my house. Their gym is state of the art and membership is insanely cheap. So as you may have guessed, I'm back on the exercise bandwagon. The primary reason this time around is my health and well being. I always have so much more energy after I've gotten into a good exercise routine. The second reason involves a project that my friend, Chris and I are working on. This project REQUIRES me to exercise. I can't say too much about it right now, except that come May 2012, you will all have a hilarious surprise via Youtube. It's our intention to both inspire people and incite hysterical laughter with this endeavor. I'll post more details as the months progress.
Tiffany
Another big event that helped quell the loneliness and get me out of my funk was my best friend, Tiffany Minton becoming my new roommate. We had previously lived together twice before (2005 in Bellevue & 2007 off Belmont Blvd) and she has always been one of the best roomies I've ever had, as well as one of my nearest & dearest friends. I'm really excited she's here! We're gonna have fun turning our pad into a ship-shape showplace! Dinner parties, movie nights ~ they're always better when Tiff is involved.
The fourth member of our newly formed household is Tiffany's adorable cat, Leonard Kitty Cohen. It took about a month for Tuffy and Leonard to get used to each other. That was a huge concern in the beginning as Tuffy has never really been around cats before, and vice versa with Leonard. There were a few fights but I think now that both of them know that the other isn't going anywhere, they're cool. Tuffy wags her tail and runs over to Leonard, and he rubs his body against hers as a sign of affection. So things are working out in that department.
Modulation
Life has taken a positive shift these last two months. I'm the happiest I've been in a long time. We've got one more major holiday to get through before 2012 (a.k.a. the end of the world or the zombie apocalypse). My goals for the new year thus far are to get healthy and keep painting...oh yeah, and take a much needed two week vacation, which will be my first in almost 9 years. Oh, and of course run into the man I'm going to marry somewhere down the line...and write a book...and star in my own sitcom...and release a Top 10 record...and end world hunger...and start my own religion (Irwinology)...and sleep with Ryan Phillippe...those are attainable goals, right?
